The Perfectionism Trap

Recently I've been struggling with the pressure of perfectionism. Wee synchronicities pop up in my life often and part of my latest IIN module (you can read more about the course here) covered the topic of perfectionism. As with a lot of things, perfectionism is rooted in shame and fear. The antidote to this is vulnerability, so I decided to put it all out there in a blog post and share some of my more private struggles to remove the shame for myself, and hopefully help at least one person in the process!

Over the past couple of weeks I've been in Mallorca, Belfast and I've had a lot of plans which involve going to restaurants with friends. Usually I will try my best to choose healthy options when I'm out, however in Mallorca I want to relax a bit and enjoy tasty tapas and multiple tarta de queso's (my fave). When I'm home (Belfast), I want to enjoy the food I grew up with like Fifteens (look them up), Ulster Fry's and my parents cooking. PS. How Belfast isn't culinary capital of the UK astounds me, maybe I'm biased but the food there is second to NONE. Regardless of what I eat when I'm out, I will count it as a more processed meal, simply because I don't know what's used in the cooking process.

I have a fairly big Instagram following, where I'll post about my results from cutting out ultra-processed foods and some tips for people trying to do the same. Because I've put it out there, I am open to observations from people, especially about what I eat. When out with family / friends, I have had comments about what they've seen me eating not being very 'gut-friendly'. These comments aren't them being nasty, we have the type of relationships where we will sleg (tease) each other about everything. However, this has affected me, where I've started to feel like I need to be eating perfectly because of my 'brand'. This led to me feeling guilty about how much I've been eating out, and anxious about upcoming plans which involve restaurants, even though I'd previously been looking forward to them. Last week I was feeling particularly stressed about it and bought a pastry while in the bakery getting my sourdough, which then made me feel even guiltier! It's a self-perpetuating cycle, one I've been very familiar with through my years of yo-yo dieting (more about that here).

However, I've been there and done that and I've managed to work through it, by remembering what I know to be true:

1. Perfectionism is unattainable and the pressure it puts on you will usually lead you to becoming the thing you're trying to avoid being.

2. The all or nothing mindset is what causes the majority of us to 'fail' at our health goals or stop us from starting in the first place. Have you ever said something like 'I'm not having any sugar this week' then by Thursday you're craving it so badly you binge and decide that you've ruined it now so you'll try again on Monday, then repeat the process? Why is it suddenly ruined because you had one setback? My gut health isn't ruined because I've been eating out more, does having a slice of cake undo all the hard work I've put into the last year? No!

3. Life is about balance. When I was healing my gut, I did restrict myself a lot, to give myself the chance to recover and repair. I did that for 6 months, with a small break in between each plan. I've done that work and I am able to be more relaxed with what I'm eating from time to time. Last week I fasted for 24 hours, went to the gym 4 times and meditated 3 times, so why was I focusing on the areas where I didn't stick to my goals, vs the areas where I did?

4. You striving for self improvement with trigger some people. That's because it holds a mirror to their behaviours and can cause jealousy. That's their problem, not yours. If you are getting triggered by someone's self improvement, ask yourself why? And if it's because you want to do it too, ask them how they did it! We are all just doing our best.

5. Remember that on social media you see a snippet of someone's life. I usually eat whole, homecooked foods 90% of my week. If you see me in a restaurant eating a bowl of champ and a slice of Guinness cake, that's my 10% so mind your business.

To summarise, we all need to stop approaching things with an all or nothing mindset. Balance is important, sometimes we will be 100% on it with our goals, other times we'll experience competing priorities and be more relaxed. This doesn't mean we need to give up, or that we're failures and it shouldn't effect how we feel about ourselves. We can use these feelings to show us what we really want and then commit to it. Have you ever had these struggles? Let me know in the comments!